Shopping…how will I ever contain my glee

I realize that for some people shopping is the magical adventure that makes all troubles go away. I’m not one of those people. Shopping is a means to an end. I don’t mind browsing, but when I have stuff I need, I’m a man on a mission.

Today’s shopping trip was like a precision military strike. I had a list of all the things I needed, a mental map of all the stores I needed to hit, an optimal route to hasten the operation, and my debit card was locked and loaded.

Mission Debriefing
07:30 – I leave the house on roller blade en route to a scheduled appointment.
08:00 – A woman in a white lab coat uses sharp metal tools to painfully extract mouthfuls of blood from my body (Note to self: I need to floss more).
08:45 – Dizzy from the loss of blood, I pay the butcher in the lab coat and stagger next door to the bank and withdraw hundreds of dollars in foreign currency.
09:00 – At a Zehr’s grocery store I stock up on food rations that weigh down my backpack and speed my descent down the hill back home.
10:00 – En route, I make a detour to the L’Oven Bakery (a bakery disguised as a massage parlour) and buy a loaf of bread and a sweet muffin to go.
10:30 – I arrive at home grab a quick bite to eat (the fluoride treatment now done), and plan Phase 2.
11:15 – Leaving the house on foot, I quickly make my way to the Westmount plaza, where I figure I can kill three birds with one stone.
11:20 – At the post office I buy some one cent stamps, and mail a letter to my financier in Winnipeg with details of the butcher’s work.
11:25 – Next door, I enter an electronics store and enquire about power converters for the UK (luckily my digital camera and laptop can handle 220 V, so I only need a cheap one).
11:35 – I enter Mark Work’s Wearhouse in search of a disguise for London, something that will give the appearance I belong in a the financial heart of London, and I’m not just some schmuck from the muddy waters of Canada.
12:00 – Leaving the store $150 poorer, I admire the convincing khaki pants and dress shirts (3 of them) I now own. Mother would be proud.
12:30 – I swap a video card for cash at a computer store, knowing the cash is more needed than fancy graphics on a computer I don’t have anymore.
14:00 – After a long bus ride, I end up at the mall in search of more disguises, electronics, and 12-year old girls (of which there is an abundance).
14:30 – The Bay is home to much that is pretty and nice. I buy a floral dress shirt (no joke), 5 white undershirts, and 3 pairs of black socks.
14:45 – As I leave the mall, I notice my mouth is as parched and in need of quenching, so I enter the local watering hole in search of refreshment.
15:15 – I leave Zeller’s with a 2L of Tropicana fruit juice, a box of crackers, and a cheap pair of dress shoes (to replace the cheap pair of dress shoes I currently own).
15:40 – At Future Shop I check out the USB memory keychains, decide I won’t need one for a while, and buy a new set of earphones instead.
16:45 – After another ridiculously long bus ride I arrive home, with $1400 less in my bank account, clean teeth, bags full of clothing, and pockets full of foreign currency.

That my friends is a precision shopping trip. No real browsing (not even in Future Shop). I went in, bought what I needed, and left. Now, all I need to do is get a hair cut, buy the power converter, and figure out where I’m living (just a small detail) and everything will be set for London.

8 thoughts on “Shopping…how will I ever contain my glee”

  1. Wow, your day seems similar to my last couple of days. I had a dentist appointment today, and yesterday I was shopping for some clothes at Mark’s Work Wearhouse and buying some new dress shoes.
    You’ve made me remember that I need some new white undershirts. Good work, Porter!


    1. My experience last term before heading out to NY was exactly the same! And in the same order too!
      Now I’m heading to Seattle leaving behind all of the nice clothes I purchased for Morgan Stanley.
      This time around, I saw the tooth butcher as well, but that’s been the extent of my excursions outside my fortress of solitude.


    1. No stripey shirts? But I thought you were encouraging the stripey shirts… They’re all stripey shirts. See, this is why I hate clothes shopping.
      Oh well, I have a collection of solid shirts I can intermix with my stripey ones to limit the damage.


  2. aww….. you mean you were actually in London the day I left? 23rd was my last day in London before exploring other parts of England. That’s too bad. I was going to warn you about how nicely the business men dressed so you’d be prepared. but I guess it’s too late. oh well.


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