As Emily and I celebrate 13 years of marriage and 19 years together overall, I’ve been reflecting on all the highs and lows of our time together. We’ve been pretty lucky and blessed overall.

We first met in Waterloo as university students, where we flirted and teased each other but never got the chance to explore a relationship. Then we both found ourselves in Vancouver after graduating from Waterloo. As we spent time together exploring the city and adventuring beyond, it was clear there was a strong chemistry. I think we both realized early on we had found something special.

Over the years, I have done a pretty good job documenting and sharing high points of our time together, because those are the moments I want to remember and celebrate. But recently I’ve come to appreciate the low points that have tested our relationship and made us stronger. It wasn’t easy getting through them, especially when some years they seemed to pile on. But it was those lows that made us more empathetic to each other. Sometimes they forced us to confront long simmering conflicts and reach out for help. I’m sure there will be more hard times to come, but I’m hopeful we’ll get through them together, leaning on the experiences we’ve had so far.

Looking back over the past 19 years, here are the highs that boosted our relationship together and the lows that stressed it and tested our resolve.

2006

Highs: A new city to explore. A new relationship takes hold. Folk fest weekend. Cat Lake camping. Early morning apple strudel.

Lows: A long distance relationship after only 3 months of dating. Calling cards. Dislocated shoulder. Uncertain future.

2007

Highs: Emily decides to move back to Vancouver after her Ghanaian internship. A new job at EcoTrust. A growing list of things we both enjoy. New traditions. Building a very solid bed.

Lows: Dental implants. Hung-over Toronto reunion. Food poisoning in the Okanagan.

2008

Highs: Harrison Hot Springs weekend. Boozy birthday cake. Garibaldi party tent. Bike trip to Gabriola Island. Moving in together.

Lows: Many trips without each other. Commitment anxiety. Figuring out boundaries.

2009

Highs: Amazing Folk Fest with Dan Mangan and more. Trekking adventure in Peru. 4600 meters above sea level.

Lows: Battling headwinds and whitecaps in a double kayak. Emily gets laid off. Altitude sickness in Peru.

2010

Highs: A jam packed year. More hiking and snowshoeing than we’ve ever done in one year. Music, film, theatre, and sports festivals. Traveling and adventure. Surprise trip to Portland.

Lows: Emily goes to Costa Rica and deletes all of her photos. Manitoulin sea snakes.

2011

Highs: Moving into a 2-bedroom apartment in the Olympic Village. Harrison Hot Springs. Backpacking through Hong Kong & Vietnam. Pho in Sapa. Kayaking in Halong Bay.

Lows: Elimination diet. Soy and Egg Allergy. Rainy weather in Prince Rupert. Lost bags of chips at Lightning Lakes. Vietnamese party boat. Injuries.

2012

Highs: Getting married in Banff. Shifting from vegetarian to vegan. Riding bikes in Montreal and New York. Emily starts a composting program. Budding Olympic Village community. New job at Vancity Community Foundation. Double sunset on the Oregon Coast.

Lows: Paralyzing fear of heights in Cathedral Park. Our first garden tomato is stolen. Sleeping in a tiny closet on a Shuswap houseboat. A camera wrecked by sand dunes.

2013

Highs: Honeymoon in Hawaii. Adopting cats. Running a full marathon. Legally Blonde at TUTS.

Lows: Emily’s dad passes away. Cats meowing all night. Struggling to conceive. Trip to Newfoundland.

2014

Highs: Decision to take a break and backpack through India for 5 months.

Lows: Infertility. Questions about when grandchildren are coming. Emotional breakdowns. Cold, underwear-less canoe trip in Algonquin. Emily quits her job.

2015

Highs: 5 months in India. Emily gets a new job at ArtStarts. Grand-prize, luxury trip to Whistler. Successful IVF treatment. Nephew is born.

Lows: Indian parasites and other health problems. IVF stress and worry. Baba passes away.

2016

Highs: Astrid’s birth. The joy of seeing the world through her eyes.

Lows: Sleep training. Sleep regressions. Lack of sleep. Eczema. Croup. Hearthstone addiction. Auntie Wiener passes away.

2017

Highs: Baby led weaning. Tracking all the baby data. Family bike rides. Kerry and Megan’s wedding in Mexico. Start of our family camping tradition.

Lows: Disastrous trip to Victoria. Quitting Pulse Energy after 8 years. Stress finding and keeping a daycare. Start of asthma. Astrid’s hip injury and Emily getting sick on our Mexico misadventure.

2018

Highs: No more diapers. Fun time with cousins.

Lows: Asthma. Constant trips to the ER. Hand, foot, and mouth disease.

2019

Highs: Fancy weekend in Victoria. Figuring out right drugs to manage asthma. We bought our first home!

Lows: Failed IVF treatment (sorry no sibling, Astrid). Norovirus. VIP status at the children’s hospital after regular visits for asthma, smashed teeth, smashed head, and a broken arm. Astrid’s phantom hand pains at night. Threenager emotions. Months spent looking for a large house to co-buy with friends.

2020

Highs: Getting to spend a few precious months with my mom.

Lows: Pandemic. Global uncertainty. Closed daycare. My mom’s losing fight with pancreatic cancer. Living in lockdown with my sisters. Working remotely with potato internet. Constantly yelling “no thumb.”

2021

Highs: Finding community in our new neighbourhood. Astrid starting a more “normal” school year. Downtown date night for Emily’s birthday.

Lows: Angry bedtimes. Conspiracy theories. Gigi moving in for a few months. Heat dome. Astrid’s knife drawing in Kindergarten.

2022

Highs: Camping in Jasper. Scandinave Spa in Whistler. New induction stove.

Lows: Broken hip. Realizing we were co-parenting and only co-existing. Needing couples counseling. Astrid’s big feelings.

2023

Highs: Awesome trips to Everett, Huatulco, and Disneyland. Camping at Christina Lake and Saysutshun. New family e-cargo bike.

Lows: Gigi couch surfing.

2024

Highs: Adventures with Astrid (Great Wolf Lodge, Lightning Lakes, family camp). Kid-less date weekends to Seattle and Granville Island.

Lows: Helping Astrid through dyslexia and big feelings.

Looking Back

Our late 20’s were a golden age for Emily and I. We were young, happy, and our lives were full of adventure and possibility. Things got hard after we got married and we struggled to conceive. Thanks to the magic of IVF, we’re now blessed with a beautiful daughter and all the stress and joy that comes along with parenting. We got hammered by the pandemic and my mom’s cancer fight, and it almost destroyed us. I’m happy to say we’re in a much stronger, happier place now.

The things that have energized us as a couple:

• traveling to new and exotic places
• mixing family trips with couples trips
• cycling

The things that have caused stress:

• health problems, especially the chronic ones
• extended family difficulties
• global warming and global pandemics

Things that have helped deal with the stress:

• asking for help when we need it
• counseling
• family and friends

Looking Forward

A world of possibilities.

Happy Anniversary to my amazingly talented, tenacious, and beautiful wife Emily. I can’t imagine the last 19 years without you. You are always calm under pressure. You are determined to make yourself, our family, and the world a better place. And you make sure we have plans for the future and something to look to forward to.

I’m looking forward to the next 19 years together.